I recently saw a very powerful and memorable film, the Oscar nominated, The Danish Girl, starring Eddie Redmayne and Alicia Vikander (my most recent Hollywood girl-crush; more on that another time! hehe). Possibly because I am always so wrapped up in thinking about my work on NiteFlirt, I couldn’t help but be struck by some of the parallels in this film and what I experience working in phone sex! So many of us tend to have sides of ourselves that are hidden from the people who think they know us best: whether it’s our friends, family, or significant others, there are some deeply hidden secrets that are kept from these people for one reason or another.
For those of you who may not know, the movie I am referring to is the true story of a successful artist as he, with the support of his wife, transitions into becoming a woman. The film follows the intimate psychological, physical, and sexual tensions that arose for one of the first people to ever undergo sexual reassignment transition and surgery. To be clear, this is not a post on transgenderism specifically, nor is it in any way something anyone reading this needs to understand or even agree with. I bring it up because there is one scene in the film that very strongly resonated with me that made me look at my own work on NiteFlirt and in phone sex and the lives of so many of us out there who are harboring some kind of secret, be it a fetish or a lifestyle preference.
In The Danish Girl, there is a scene where the artist reaches out to non other than a sex worker to truly guide him in his search for feminization. He visits a peep show, where he sits behind a glass that separates him from the beautiful dancer who strips before him. Performing what was a regular nightly routine that she at first appears detached from, the dancer quickly realizes that the man watching her behind the glass is NOT there to get off, but instead sitting there imitating her movements. In a sort of beautiful, personal, and honest moment between the two, the dancer slows down her movements to become instructional rather than for the erotic purpose of turning him on, as she’s so often used to. She demonstrates for this man, who is embarking on a journey to become a woman, the ways to move his body, his hands, bat his eyes, and explore his body in the way a woman might. It’s the first time in the film that he truly seems to feel comfortable in his own skin, despite the efforts of his wife and friends to guide him and understand him, it took a woman in the sex industry to recognize this need for guidance, for an outlet, and for a sincere moment in which he could truly feel his true self, shame-free.
I love this scene because in that moment you can see that the woman understands that she is one of the few people and places that this man in need can turn to in order to explore his true self.
In connection to my NiteFlirt gig, while I do get calls from time to time of men who want to experience feminization, the impact reaches far beyond that. From guys who simply want to explore a particular fetish that may be otherwise “taboo” in real like, to people looking to play out outrageous fantasies they might never dream to act on in their day-to-day interactions. From feeling a departure from one’s usual role in life as a dominant or a submissive, to using language that would get them fired or shunned from their social groups, to simply exploring sexuality and engaging in acts with a parter who is not judgmental nor uninterested. I find every single day that men call me and are able to, even if in some small way, become their true selves or their secret selves or their forbidden selves even if just for a few minutes on the phone.
I adore that when it comes to phone sex, a stranger is reaching out to me and is uninhibited in the way that he can behave. I’d be lying if I said I was never weary or confused about particular fetishes; I’ve even myself been known to block a guy or two who took things to a dark enough place that I became disturbed and wouldn’t want to go to again (though this happens VERY rarely!) However, overall, on a daily basis, I speak to and meet amazing people who live completely normal, average lives. They just know that there is a side to their personality that has been or is being repressed and they need an outlet for it. I love being that outlet. I love knowing that I can carry their secrets with me if it brings them even a little bit of comfort. I love knowing that, at times, I experience a side of my callers that their closest friends or family might never see. With me, a man can be his true self. Whether it’s due to a sexual deviance or it’s because he needs a person to turn to or a shoulder to cry on or another human being to vent to, I believe that phone sex work is oftentimes SO MUCH MORE than just jerking off and cumming hard.
That isn’t to say that it’s not about jerking off. I mean, c’mon…. I’m not fooling myself into thinking I’m doing some incredible work I should be winning a Nobel Prize for. I just feel that whether it’s a 5-minute stroke session to blow off steam from a long day, or it’s a 15-minute conversation about a fetish that a guy has secretly fantasized about for years but hasn’t been able to bring himself to actually admit to a partner, or it’s a 2-hour marathon call as a result of simply feeling lonely, I really think that making a positive connection between phone sex operator and caller is important to each persons’ experience in understanding themselves.
The best part of all of this for me though, is that several of my callers have been this same outlet for ME. A lot of my life, even though I appear to be “in the middle of the action” as a pretty, popular, and outgoing young girl, I’ve actually always felt that I wasn’t being true to myself in many ways. From dealings with friends, family, and relationships, there have been many times I’ve felt the need to hide aspects of myself for fear of shame, particularly when it comes to sexuality or so-called “deviant” or off-beat desires. However, on NiteFlirt, so many amazing guys have brought that out of me, and I’ve been able to explore those desires that I otherwise wouldn’t have without the help of of the creative, sexy, and extra naughty minds of my callers.
So yes, I am here to fuck you, suck you, tease you, and tempt you. However, I am also here to give advice, to allow you to explore your needs and desires, to talk you through heartache and hardships, and to empower you in a way that will make you feel alive like never before.